Currently Listening Me & My Gang By Rascal Flatts What Hurts the Most see related

...its over...

...dean and I broke up last night... i knew it was going to happen soon, but I just didnt want it to end... everything just happened all of a sudden... it was like one minute he and I were going great and then the next its all gone... he baisically told me that he didnt feel the same about me anymore and that we should just be friends... as if what we had was nothing.....he said that when he was in florida that he realized he didnt miss me all that much, so he felt that his feelings for me had changed...he didnt think that we were on the same emotional page and that i never talked about anything....

...Saturday, when I calld him because I was upset that he hadnt hung out with me or called, I told him that he should just call when he actually wanted to talk to me and had something to say... so last night when we were on the phone, i asked him why he hadnt talked to me at school, he said "because I have nothing to say to you"... right then I just could have died...

....my goal everyday was to make him happy, whether I made him laugh or just tell him that I loved him.....he may never know how much he meant to me...it makes me feel like this is all my fault because i believe i have failed in doing that one thing anymore, make him happy... he was the one boy that fit with everything....he may never had done all the flower and candy stuff, but he did little things that meant the most... like when we went on a date with my mom to a musical, he would slip his hand into mine when she wouldnt look because she doesnt believe PDA is respectable!... it was cute- and it was perfect..he would always tell me that he loved me when i was angry, and it made everything just go away... but then he just did a 180 while in florida and it was like nothing we ever shared mattered...

...I know that it shouldnt be this hard for me because he wasnt treating me right.... he would make up excuses for not calling...he never really asked me on dates except for the ball, I was the one who came up with things to do... and I just let all that go because I knew no ones perfect... I believed what we had was great... the thing that gets me is that I dont think he is over his ex girlfriend.... I always felt compared to her and what they had, and now I feel like I have failed... I feel useless and alone.... the one person I never thought would hurt me like this and that I always wanted to see happy, changed...and now I feel its my fault and that I have ruined something wonderful, when I never did anything wrong....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what hurts the most

was being so close

and watching you walk away

and having so much to say

and never knowing

what could have been

not saying that loving you

thats what I was trying to do

Currently Listening The Very Best of Frank Sinatra By Frank Sinatra L.O.V.E. see related

...so this is love...

...well me and dean had a two hour long phone call today.. we sorted things out and he told me he didnt know what he was doing and that he was sorry...he's going through a hard time right now with certain things so i'm going to be there for him to support him....but he promised me that no matter what, he wants to be with me and that he loves me!... i feel so much better knowing that....

...Prom...

... yay! Prom is only 16 days away!! once again- i'm nervous.... i shouldnt be... my dress looks just like Cinderella- no joke! It's light blue, strapless, and rather poofy at the bottom! Not to mention that its quite sparkly! Plus we're going to after prom and King's Island as well!! I cannot wait for that!

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

for him i'd smile when he's happy
kiss him when he's sad .. try to be the
perfect girl & calm him when he's mad
hold ' his hand to make him strong &
say hes right when i know he's wrong

Currently Listening Me & My Gang By Rascal Flatts What Hurts the Most see related

lost and lonely

..things are not going as smoothly right now with me and dean... he says we're not on the same emotional page and doesnt know what to do... i want to work things out.. but he's going through such a stressful time right now, i'm not sure whats going to happen... i feel like crap... havent eaten for over a day and i can't sleep.... he means the world to me and i just hope he feel the same... he sed he thought about a lot of things while he was in florida... so now i'm not sure what to do.... i dont want to lose him because i've never felt this way about anyone else before!... leave some love....

&& she whispers into the mirror
as she wipes her teary eyes
*i'll never be good enough*

Currently Listening No Shoes No Shirt No Problems (Bonus Track) By Kenny Chesney see related

Military Ball!

... all i can say is that it was one amazing night!!. I can't believe i was so nervous!! so baisically here's what happened:

~ got my hair done at 2:00-ish + my best friend Jenn came with me.. then we went to Englewood Florist, where her aunt works and i got rinestone stands to put in my hair! it was neat...

~ came back to my place and got ready, fixed up my mask...Mel got here round 5:20 ish, and so my mom and dad got pics of us.... then we got at the school around 5:45...

~Dean got me a corsage (sp?)!!!! I was so excited, not even my date at Homecoming did that! i felt special

~we had to go through the recieving line- i was sooo nervous- but it really wasnt that bad!.. then Dean introduced me to a bunch of people.... im glad i knew some already, that way i didn't feel totally lost

~we sat at a table along with Jess, Phil, and Comer.... they were all very nice- hah we were all trying to figure out the proper way of putting your silverwear on your plate when you're finished... and we couldnt figure out how to serve the dressing for the salads, so Comer just pored it and it got all over the side of the cup, then we found the dipping spoons LoL! good times, good times!

~we had to through several toasts, and each time it was done, the guys had to push your chairs in, so since Comer didn't have a date- Dean and Phil went over together and pushed her chair in for her... it was cute!

~ then we got to go dancing!!! Dean doesnt like to dance really except for slow songs- which made me sad, cause i love to dance! so i danced with Joey for a while! it was awesome! During one of the slow songs, Dean and Phil switched partners halfway through- so i got to dance with Phil for a song! it was fun!

~So Dean, asked me to Prom too! i'm so excited... he means so much to me, and i was glad i got to spend the evening with him! I LOVE YOU DEAN!

...Thanks to all my friends who helped me through it and made me feel welcomed! - you guys are awesome!!I love you guys!....Rachael, Charlie, Joey, Mel, Julie, Phil, Jess, Summer, Scody(hah), you guys are amazing!

KENNY CHESNEY!

So me and my best friend Jenn went to go see KENNY CHESNEY on Friday night- it was amazing!.. He sang all our favorite songs, so we sang at the top of our lungs to each of them!... Uncle Cracker came out and did their duet (When the Sun Goes Down) together! omg... I had the time of my life! Not to mention DIERKS BENTLEY also opened for Kenny! I love his music too! woot woot!

Currently Listening The Road and the Radio By Kenny Chesney see related

..three more days..

^^my dress?? opinions please... i want to make sure i have everything alright- im a vry paranoid person i must say! lol comment please

KENNY CHESNEY!

only 2 more days until me and best bud Jenn are going to the concert!! WOOT WOOT! so we made matching shirts, and are going to wear them on friday! how saweet am i? hah gotta have my country music (although dean doesn't like it very much )

...basketball...

... AAU season just started up! finally the good season is back in session! i hate playing Northmont- the girls are so rude and stuck up, but what can you do?... we have our first tourney in two weeks- up in C-bus!

...so many things going on in my life right now, it's so stressful... sometimes people have caught me at bad times- and i appologize for being the way i was... but give me time to sort it all out.... it better get better soon....

So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I though that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
--the notebook

+++ EDIT +++

... omg- sometimes i just want to cry because i hate being the one that is disliked by someone... i know everyone says to ignore her, but when she stands by my classes and says things like "look how ugly she is" or "why is dean going that tall thing?, she needs to lose, like her entire legs"... it gets to me- almost makes me just want to leave dean to get away from it- but i can't, i love him too much...... i feel like such crap, and i didnt even do anything.....